Why is it when women start to date someone, we give up our entire life just to be with that one person? We drop friendships, family, daily activities we love doing, just to be with that one guy. And what do we get in return? Well a “relationship”, maybe, but often times we are left behind, while our guys choose their bros, themselves, jobs, or really everything else, except you. I’ve seen it happen time and time again. Some how guys have a way of compartmentalizing their lives and they are really good at putting themselves first, but women don’t, it’s like we can’t. We instead put all our eggs in one basket, until it is too heavy, ends up breaking, and we are left with a smelly mess to clean up. So why is it we let go of our entire lives to be with someone we barely know or trust?
Finally, the end…
I met a new transplant from New York. I thought maybe this will be different because I heard guys from the east coast were different than the west coast. We danced, we talked and we had fun! Afterwards we decided to all go and get something to eat. Our regular go to spot at the time was the Denny’s down the street. Nothing like filling our stomachs with some good ol’ eggs n’ bacon! We sat ourselves down, ordered some food and began to get to know each other. Now this particular Denny’s was pretty much the late night hot spot for all who went out downtown. So as we were sitting there, me flirting and smiling with the New Yorker—guess who walks up? Yep, the bros before hoes guy! He doesn’t even say hello, just pulls the empty seat out turns it around and sits down sporting a stink eye like you wouldn’t believe! He just sat there mad dogging me and the New Yorker. I sat at the other end of the table speechless. I thought, “seriously…not this again!” I didn’t even do anything this time, no text message, no nothing! The New Yorker, feeling the obvious tension, asked for the check, packed up his food as quick as he could and was out of there. Luckily, earlier that night we had a brief conversation about the past people in our lives and I told him about this guy. So he knew the history between us and it didn’t take a rocket scientist to guess the stink eye across the table was him. I looked at my girlfriend and she just gave me the look like, you better go explain yourself to him before he leaves. Luckily, I caught up with him just outside the door of the restaurant and tried to explain. Surprisingly enough, he said he got it. He asked for my number so he could make sure I was all right later. Well this was impressive! Certainly in comparison to the guy that was sitting inside giving everyone the stink eye!
I ended up having to take the bros before hoes hustler home that night, don’t forget he didn’t have a car! Yay, that hour drive was fun! We had the first serious conversation about everything that was happening with us, him telling me how he wanted me in his life, dropping the “L” bomb on me for the first time saying he LOVED me! Uh huh, right…how are you even supposed to respond to that!?!!
Remember that question of why we women always put the men in our lives first? Well, this was running through my thoughts the day the bro before hoes hustler told me he was going to have a child with another girl. Yes, you read that right my friends. If you are wondering who was the player and who got played, well I think that pretty much sums up the answer to that question doesn’t it? I felt like I was sucker punched in the gut. It quite literally took my breath away. I was the one Usher wrote about in his song Confessions! I know, not really, but I do remember hearing that song on the radio and being like, this song is literally what my life is right now! Talk about your reality check! You may ask why I had this reaction to his news, when things were already headed in a downward spiral? The simple answer was, I loved him. I think what hurt the most was knowing he was with her when we he kept on insisting he wanted to be with me, but kept telling me he just wasn’t ready for a commitment—well that was obvious!
After all this went down, it took me a while to let go. There was some push and pull of emotions and nights that he would just show up at my house unexpected. It was torture, him apologizing and me just utterly hurt. I have found that I can forgive endlessly and give people a million chances, but once I am done, I am done. After that they don’t have any more opportunities to prove themselves to me.
To conclude this saga, it did eventually end with him. And if your wondering if I have ever heard from him again? Well, if you have a great imagination then you probably guessed right. Yes, I have. Some guys are just more persistent than others and seem to be that at all the wrong times.
I learned my greatest lesson during this dating hustle, probably the most profound one I have learned in my life thus far—never put the man in your life before yourself, put yourself first and base any and all decisions first on yourself not him. Men come and go darlings, but the decisions you make while with them stick with you for the rest of your life.